Chapter 2 - Models of Excellence

Have you ever wondered why some people can communicate better than others? Or why some people who appear similar to ourselves can apparently achieve so much more? Or have you ever been troubled by your inability to progress beyond a particular point whilst others seem to move effortlessly to the next level?

Questions like these were the inspiration for the founders of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, John Grinder and Richard Bandler. They decided to study how successful people did what they did. They began by observing three skilled communicators: family therapist Virginia Satir, hypnotherapist Milton Erickson and the founder of Gestalt therapy, Fritz Pearls.

Grinder and Bandler scrutinised every detail of how each expert operated and produced a model, or structure, to explain how they did that. The pair would then use these same approaches to perform similar functions. They soon found that they could achieve remarkable results by following the patterns that the experts would do naturally.

From this experience, Grinder and Bandler believed that if one person can do something well then so can another, if they follow the same procedures. NLP was therefore born of a pursuit of excellence, of modelling what works well and using, or installing it, on oneself. It is about following a trail of techniques that leads to a successful outcome.

NLP MindFrame Patterns© were developed to further simplify these structures and produce a framework – that is a frame that works – so that everybody can use it.

Many of us may find it appealing to find out how some people can communicate better than others. Or find out how people similar to ourselves can achieve so much more than we ever thought possible. We may like to know how some people can progress easily and effortlessly to the next level. In finding those things out, it may then be really useful to help us move forward more easily.

With this information we can use the power of our minds to achieve the results we want in life and stop denying ourselves the opportunity to progress. 

‘If one person can, so can another’

What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming?

First of all ‘neuro’ refers to our nervous system. These are the channels through which all of our life experiences are processed. They come via our five senses: visual, sound, feeling, smell and taste.

‘Linguistic’ refers to our communication and how we ‘encode’ what we see, hear, feel, smell and taste. These are the pictures and sounds we have in our head and the feelings we associate with them.

‘Programming’ is the process by which we communicate to ourselves and others. If we change this language of the mind, we can change the results we get.  

The NLP Communication Model helps explain this.

We see, hear, feel, smell and touch external events and process these through our ‘filters’. Our filters are made up of things like our values and beliefs, attitudes, decisions, memories, and time.
Each of us deletes, distorts and generalises the events around us, or ‘reality’, to create our version of the world. Every one of us has a different version of the world, because we all have different filters. This version is called a ‘map’ as it is a representation, not the real thing.

If we think back to childhood and recall a particular event, such as a holiday, we may find that our recollections of this are different from friends or family. We may remember things that they could not recall. Or we may see an event entirely differently to that of a brother or sister. “Mrs Muggins was a horrible teacher,” we might remember, whilst our elder sister may say, “She was so sweet and considerate.” It is almost as if at times we experience things in an entirely different way.
This can happen with recent events. What might be a great party or social occasion to one person, can be miserable to another who spent the evening trapped by a terrible bore.

From this we can see that each of us carries our own ‘map’ of the world. These maps are neither right or wrong, they are just how we see, hear and feel events.

 

‘If one person can so can another. What is stopping you from achieving your outcome, right now? If the answer is you then move yourself aside and let your successful self through’

Maps of the World

The filters which distort, generalise and delete our experience to produce our map of the world are very important. That is because we can only handle between five and nine pieces of information at any one time. If we did not distort, generalise and delete we would be overwhelmed and unable to function.

Imagine trying to complete a really simple activity like crossing the road if we had to process a million bits of information at a time? That is what is happening around us, as there are millions of things that we can see, hear, smell, taste and feel at any one moment. Our minds choose to ignore most of these so we can get on with life. Thank goodness for that!

Distortions, generalisation and deletions therefore play an important role in helping us to get on with doing things. We can quickly categorise people and events so we know what to do and how to act in a given situation. This often works well and gives us the opportunity to progress quickly when doing things with which we are familiar, such as planning journeys.

The brain is a self-patterning system and so it follows repeat patterns, like the streams running down the valley mentioned in the previous chapter. Likewise, it also categorises events and people to give them similar meanings. It is easier for us to handle if we can fit something into a category or box that is comparable to something else.

It is like when we see a person behaving in a particular way, such as being loud and brash, and we recognise those traits in someone else we know. “Oh, they’re just like my ex-boss, showy and arrogant”. This may be the case, or the person may be mostly unlike the ex-boss to which we are comparing them. Therefore we are doing them a disservice.

This is where these filters become unhelpful. We can over-categorise, label people and events that perhaps deserve wider consideration. This over-simplification can lead to problems and our ‘map’ or ‘model’ of the world becomes distorted. We may be leaving out bits of information that may be important and really useful.

Do you find that when you see or hear someone who reminds you of someone you do not like, that you then ignore them? Or a particular comment reminds you of an unfavourable meeting that you attended, so you try and get away as soon as possible? This is what can happen all the time with distortions, generalisations and deletions.

You may know people who appear blinkered, or small minded, unable to appreciate other people’s points of views. They are often labelled as being in “a world of their own”. And they are, as each of us is. The difficulty is when our world becomes isolated or is in collision with other worlds and causes other people and ourselves problems.

As we become more aware of how we distort, generalise and delete, we can make sure we are not becoming too blinkered or dismissing people out of hand, or limiting ourselves in what we can achieve.

So what are distortions, generalisations and deletions?

Deletions are most common place as we all need to delete a good proportion of our experience in order to function properly. Distortions should be monitored closely as they can have the biggest effect on our lives, if we are not careful. 

Once filtered we then store these events and they become our memories. We tend to pay little attention to how we store these experiences. That is the pictures, sounds and feelings that come to mind when we remember particular events.

What happens is that we store different events in a variety of ways. They are made up of a combination of mental images, sounds and feelings. Some are like movies, with people rushing around, whilst others are like snapshots. Some have music in the background, or people talking, whist others are silent. Similarly, we may see a whole range of colours, such as when remembering a wonderful landscape view, whilst others may be in black and white.

The sizes of these pictures may also change. Some may be really small, whilst others can totally surround us. We may think of some pictures, or representations, as being far off in the distance, whilst others are just in front of us, or down to the side. We store these representations in different areas spatially, so that some can be to our right or left, others right in front, and others above or below us.

Some people do not see clear pictures, but distinct sounds, such as people singing or music playing. Some people see only colours or shades of colours that represent certain memories. A few people only associate feelings, such as butterflies in the stomach or excitement rushing through their chest like flowing water.

Think of a time when you were really happy, maybe on holiday or at a party. What does the scene look like, sound like? Are you looking through your own eyes, or are you in the picture? Where are any feelings located? Is the picture large or small? Does it move, vibrate? Is it light or heavy? Where is the picture located spatially? Is it right in front of you or far away? Above or below? To the left or the right? What sounds are there? Can you hear music or people speaking?
Now do the same with a more mundane recollection, such as a conversation with a neighbour or colleague at work. You will probably find that the picture and feelings and sounds are quite different. This is because we store and encode events in different ways. If we alter these, by shifting the locations, pictures, sounds and feelings, then our attitude towards them can also shift significantly.

 

However we store these representations is fine. They are how we see, feel and hear the world. It is our ‘Map of the World’.

 ‘You have all the resources you need to succeed right now. Taking responsibility for yourself you take responsibility for your success’

Presuppositions of NLP

If we presuppose certain things to be true, it can be very helpful. If we take a puppy to the stream and gently coax it into chasing a stick into the water, we presuppose it will have the ability to swim further out to grasp it between its teeth. If not we may have to buy the puppy inflatable wings and take it for swimming lessons.

Likewise, we presuppose all sorts of things that mean we do not spend hours scrutinising what everybody says. We presuppose a doctor wearing a white coat in hospital is indeed a doctor and knows what they are talking about. We presuppose that a mechanic can fix a car and a teacher can teach children. We presuppose that a plumber can fix a leak. There is already a flaw creeping into these presuppositions.

That is that not all the above necessarily know how to fix a leak or mend our car or teach children. Indeed, not all dogs can swim! Most of the time, they do and most of the time what we presuppose is true.

The above demonstrates that believing things to be absolutely true or absolutely false is unhelpful. It is the shades of grey, the gradients mentioned in chapter 1 that are most useful. However, if we believe things to be largely true, or largely false, then we tend to hit the target more often than not. If we check into a hospital and someone is dressed as a nurse, we usually consider it safe to take medicine from them. If we are walking along a dark street and we see a menacing figure swaying towards us, most of us would err on the side of caution and cross over the road.

The following presuppositions are neither true nor false. They are convenient beliefs that can prove very helpful.

  1. The map is not the territory
    What we experience is not the event itself, but our representation of it. It is our map or model of the world.
  1. Respect other people’s map of the world
    Everyone has a different map of the world and no matter how greatly these can differ from our own, every person deserves to have their view respected.
  1. People have all the resources they need to succeed
    Everyone is capable of achieving their specific outcomes, if they use the resources they have.
  1. You are responsible for you own mind therefore the results you get
    We are responsible for our own minds and therefore the results we get.
  1. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have
    All behaviour comes from a positive intention to do the best we can for ourselves, no matter the outcome of that behaviour.
  1. The meaning of communication is the response you get
    If we are in control of the communication and take responsibility for that, it is up to us to get the result we seek.
  1. You cannot not communicate
    It is impossible not to communicate. Even if we are doing nothing, we are sending out a signal and other people can read into it what they will. We are unconsciously communicating all the time. It is better to communicate consciously with positive intent rather than unconsciously with a negative effect.
  1. There is only feedback
    There is no failure, only feedback. If every setback is seen as a failure, it can be debilitating leading to inaction. If a setback is seen as a learning opportunity, the individual can keep going until success is gained.The word mistake comes from the movie industry. A ‘miss-take’ was a film clip that did not work and would need to be re-shot. If we view mistakes as that, as opportunities to improve performance next time round, then that is empowering rather than deflating.
  1. All changes should be evaluated in terms of context and ecology
    Ecology is the study of consequences. If change happens in one area, the effect on other areas should be monitored to ensure there is not a negative impact.

Mercedes Model

The presuppositions of NLP were developed from Grinder and Bandler’s research findings. Their work on internal representations and the processes of how we store and encode memories also led to further investigations on how we are constructed.

According to the Mercedes Model (so named because of its resemblance to the car insignia) our internal representation is one third of our make-up. We also have an internal state and external behaviour.

The internal state is our identity, who we are. It is attached to our emotions, our heart. Our values, the things that are most important to us, are situated here.

Our internal representations are concerned with how we do what we do. It is attached to our thinking, or our head. It is concerned with our processes and is associated with our beliefs. Beliefs are the things that we hold to be true about ourselves, the rules that govern our lives.
The external behaviour is what we are. That is our behaviour, our physical actions, the demonstration of what we value and believe.

Internal state, internal representation and external behaviour are brought together in this model because they all inter-act. You cannot change one without it impacting the other. On this basis, every change should be monitored to measure impact elsewhere.

This model includes the major concepts of NLP and is the inspiration for MindFrame Patterns©, which draws it together into a useable step-by-step structure for personal growth.

NLP Keys To An Achievable Outcome

The NLP Outcome Model is a useful tool to help you achieve your desired outcome. This can be applied to any goal or aspiration, however big or small, whether personal or business, and is a sure way of measuring progress. As we constantly refer to ‘outcomes’ it would be beneficial to feature here, although it is addressed in more detail in the Goal Setting chapter.

1. Stated in the positive.
What specifically do you want?

2. Specify present situation.
Where are you now?

3. Specify outcome.
What will you see, hear, feel etc when you have it?

4. Specify evidence procedure.
How will you know when you have it?

5. Is it congruently desirable?
What will this outcome get for you or allow you to do?

6. Is it self-initiated and self-maintained?
Is it only for you?

7. Is it appropriately contextualised?
Where, when, how and with whom do you want it?

8. What resources are needed?
What do you have now, and what do you need to get your outcome?
Have you ever had or done this before?
Do you know anyone who has?
Can you act as if you have it?

9. Is it ecological?
For what purpose do you want this?
What will you gain or lose if you have it?

We often find ourselves coming up short of our targets despite putting in a huge amount of effort. There can be many reasons for this. A frequent cause is that we do not accurately define what we want.

“I want to be rich this time next year,” or “I want to be happy,” are vague expectations and it is unsurprising that we so often fall short. The first step to achieving our outcome is to be very clear on what it is we want. If we then define in no uncertain terms what it is we want and ensure that it is possible from the outset, we can achieve anything.

If we can achieve anything, we are already well on the way to getting whatever it is we want. That is hard to deny when it has already been acknowledged at a deeper level.

‘You cannot not communicate. Do you want to communicate consciously and ethically or unconsciously and destructively?’

 

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© Andrew Lynch 2006